Last Saturday, I caught a cab to a conference called How to Get the Relationship You Deserve. It was free, and I had nothing to lose. The speaker bore an uncanny resemblance to Nick Grimshaw and looked like a caricature of a used-car salesman, all suited and booted in black patent brogues, a pink tie […]

via Lessons in Love – from Uber — The Tellergram

All they did was escape.

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Helpless I sat on the couch inside my room. My forehead buried in my hands. Mom has been knocking at my door since the last two 2 minutes. I hear Dad’s voice. “Come out Sarah, what is this? I told you he was not worth your trust. What’s gone is gone. Now please come out, Sarah, you haven’t had anything all day yesterday.”

Dad was right. What’s gone is gone and that it won’t come again. His words struck me hard on my soul. 5 minutes went by but I didn’t open the door. I looked up and there was my body pale and lifeless hanging down the ceiling. I was dead. I stood up and walked towards my body and touched it. It had freezed in the last few hours. I moved towards the mirror. I could see everything through me, the tables, the chairs, everything. I knelt down on the floor crying. “ What did you stupid do to your life, huh?.” I cried and cried but now my tears meant no worth.

A minute later, I could hear my Mom panic. She had asked father to check my room from the balcony. I hid my face, not because he could see my body hanging but because I had no courage to have a sight my father’s pale face with tears in his eyes.

He broke open the balcony door and looked up, his eyes red and wet. He went forward and opened the other door where mother was waiting. He unhooked the door and waited there for a few seconds and said something to her. I could see Mom’s face turning as pale as Dad’s. A minute later, she came running inside the room and both of them untangled the rope around my neck. They laid my neutral body on the floor. Mom buried her hands around my head. “Why Sarah? Why this step? We knew that he was going to betray you. We told you and now look at you. What the hell you have to yourself. You shouldn’t have quit so easily, Sarah.” she screamed. Her face red and wet.

My soul couldn’t dare to see the sight. My Mom crying and Dad sitting helpless in corner of the room. The worst pain in the world is seeing Mom and Dad cry. That was the moment when I realized that taking a step like suicide is just a way to escape from this earthly pain but the pain of parents and dear ones are much more long lasting than any other pain on this globe. Yes, I was left with broken pieces of my heart but instead of choosing this path I should have tried to band aid those pieces. Had I realized it some hours before when I was so frustrated by betrayal I wouldn’t have attempted to suffocate and die.

His lies trapped me so well that I forgot what this life could have brought me if I was alive.

An hour later, they took my body to the nearest cremation ground. I was laid on a heap of wood at one side of the field. Gradually, they started covering my body with wood on the top. Mom couldn’t see the sight and so she went away with Dad to a distance. A boy from the community poured Chandan (sandal) on the woods. A minute later he ignited the fire and started burning my body. The heat rose up and the first layer of my body connected the fire. Within two hours, the fire ate the whole body and I turned into nothing but dark black ash that got mixed up with the sand.

Tears touched my cheeks. I wanted to apologize to Mom and Dad but I knew that I couldn’t.

It is time for me to go now. I didn’t know if hell or heaven was the right place for me but I had already taken this drastic decision of ending my life so I shall live anywhere God says with the memories that this short life offered.

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A message to all :

Many a times people take this drastic step called “SUICIDE” due to failures faced by them in their lives. Here, I have tried to put together only one reason that leads to this step but there are many other reasons as you know. Some people even commit suicide due to failures in studies, jobs, marriage, etc. But these people forget that suicide is the worst failure in one’s life. It means that you are not courageous enough to face tough situations and are trying to escape from them. Try to consider yourself to those fictional characters in stories and films who are known as “HEROES and HEROINES”. Hero and heroines are not fictional as long as you continue being a real one. Stay positive. Live.

Wasted, wasn’t it?

“You didn’t even stop for a while to imagine what could have happened to me after you left”

This was the last thing I had asked him three years back. He didn’t answer. He left me without even leaving me a reason. I was stuck with several set of questions inside my head.

Three years back –

It was a bright sunday morning. The sound of the birds chirping on the trees brought a great smile on my face. It was 6 o’ clock in the morning and all I had to do was get ready for my classes. 

I came back home an hour later and rushed to check if there was any text from John on my cell phone. To my surprise he had left me five. He never does that. Sending a text after I sleep was not his kind of thing. 
I clicked open the first message, it read “Love is more than just a word, it’s an undescribable feeling” I smiled. My heart pumped with immense joy. I went on to read the second. It said, ” I miss you and so I’m just staring at the moon.” As I scrolled on to the third one my cell phone beeped. It was another message from John. It said “I’m leaving, Hannah. I’ve found someone. A girl. You know her very well.I didn’t want to do this.Goodbye.” This left all the parts of my body numb. I went on to check my social networking site. All I found there was a new surprise waiting for me. I saw a good number of pictures of John with the girl he was talking about. I continued to check his profile and to my utter surprise it really and clearly seemed that he had really moved on within a single night. But what about ” I didn’t want to do this.” It all left me confused. 
I had to talk to him. I texted back.
What is this John ? Why are you leaving ? What did I just do ?, I asked.


“You did nothing Hannah, it’s just that I found someone else who loves me “, he replied an hour later. 


“But why? Wasn’t I enough ?” 


” It’s true that you love me a lot and you can stay in my life if you want to ’cause I love you and her as well. I can’t leave anyone of you.” 


“What do you mean by – you can stay with me ? I’m not begging your presence in my life. You love her? When did you come to know this ? Within a night ?”



He didn’t reply any of my questions. I ended up locking myself in my room. I didn’t come out for a week. I cried and weeped for several days until all my frustration was out. 
Three years later-
I never talked to him after that. Why would I when I didn’t mean anything to him ? I’ve moved on. Yes, I thought it would consume much my of time but when someone didn’t even care then why should I ? I waited, waited for a long time with a hope that he would atleast turn around and look what he had done. Unlike others, I was not that fortunate enough. I lost hopes but at the same time I grew strong and self-reliant. Now, I don’t need anybody to hold me by my hand to show me the world. I can do it on my own. I don’t trust anybody at any point of time. I judge. When I feel they are reliable I approach them. I learned how to love myself, my family and my friends. I wasted a corner of my heart loving someone who didn’t. And I realised I shouldn’t have done it. 

The unanswered question

It’s 3 am and I’m here by the sea trying to figure out it’s depth through my lifeless eyes. As I sit still, a sudden blow of wind hits my entire body. I shiver. It makes me concious of what I was really doing here all alone? 

It’s been years since you left without a goodbye. It leaves me confused as I don’t know you’ll return someday or not and for that my heart and my mind still continues to fight. 

I still remember your face and your brown hair gleaming in the sun. I miss them. I miss your eyes full of life, your voice that melted my heart and your presence that completed me. But things have changed since the day you left. Today, my eyes don’t sparkle in the dark, they have turned emotionless. The space between my fingers are left empty. My skin has stiffened without your touch and now I’m trip and lose my grip ’cause you aren’t here anymore to hold me by my hand. The only thing in motion is my heart that hasn’t lost hope. 

Maybe you’re somewhere near or somewhere on the other side of this endless sea from where you aren’t coming back. But if I ever strike your mind and you wanna be back home, just walk towards this familiar place ‘ cause I’ll be waiting, waiting forever ♡

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